Shadows in our Midst
by Rachel L Driscoll
Summary: Louise Marie Cartwright is born just before Marie has her fatal accident. Time passes, and when Adam goes away to college, Louise must grow up without knowing her eldest brother, whilst being witness to a deadly secret. When Adam returns, will he be able to earn his sister's love and draw her out of the shadows in the midst of her heart? AU. My first Bonanza fanfic. Please R
1. Another Cartwright

**Hi Folks! I have finally plucked up the courage to write a Bonanza story. I hope you like it! I love writing, and I really like Bonanza, so I want to share my love for these two things with you. I have added an extra character into the story. I hope you like my new character! Enjoy!**

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Shadows in Our Midst

Chapter 1 – Another Cartwright

The cries of maternal pain that sounded from upstairs caused Ben to rise from the chair that he had only that instant sat down in. Looking uneasily up at the staircase, he began to pace in front of the great hearth.

Seventeen year old Adam looked up from the story that he was reading to his five year old brother, Joe, and glanced at his agitated father. Joe peered at his elder brother's serious face before tugging on Adam's sleeve to get him to resume the story.

Hoss, a boy of eleven, watched on from where he sat on the edge of the coffee table. Concern filled his wide eyes.

Finally, a louder moan than all the rest caused Little Joe to push away the book that Adam held in his hands. Turning his green eyes on Adam, he asked worriedly, "Is Dr Martin killing Mama?"

Adam smiled at Joe, relieved at the opportunity to release the tension of the moment. "No, of course he isn't!"

"Then why's Mama screaming?"

"Mama's having a baby, and …"

But Adam didn't finish, for suddenly everything upstairs went quiet, and then a new sound filled the air.

It was the cry of a new born baby.

An incredulous smile spread over Adam's face as his eyes met his father's for the first time. Ben, breathing heavily with a mixture of relief and excited anticipation, headed for the stairs, rather shakily, and then darted up them, two at a time.

Hoss turned to look at Adam.

"When do we get to go up?"

Adam wanted to say, "Now!" but instead he replied calmly, whilst his heart hammered against his chest excitedly, "Pa will call us when we can."

Joe looked at Adam. "What will we call him?"

"It might be a girl, Little Joe," Adam reminded his little brother.

"Uh, uh," Joe shook his head decidedly. "We're all boys. It's gonna be another boy."

Adam smiled. "You think so?"

"Yep, I sure do! What'll we call him, Adam?"

"I don't know, little brother. I guess we'll find out soon."

All three brothers began to study the ceiling, as if staring hard enough would make it possible to see through, and allow them to have a peek at their new sibling.

Hoss finally broke the silence. "Do ya think Mama's alright?"

"Of course she is," Adam said. "After all, this isn't her first! Why do you ask?"

"It's just she sounded in pain and all. Ya really think she's alright, Adam?"

Adam nodded his head confidently at his brother, "I know she is."

Then both boys returned their gaze to the ceiling.

* * *

"Adam! Hoss! Joseph!"

Ben's long-awaited call made the three brothers jump to their feet. Ben stood half-way down the stairs, his eyes brimming with pride, a smile of inexplicable joy etched on his face.

Adam looked eagerly at his father. "Can we see them now?"

Ben nodded his head, and smiled happily as Adam, Hoss and Little Joe rushed passed him on the stairs in a moment of eager anticipation.

Quickly stopping himself from bursting into the room noisily, Adam hesitated a moment. Sharing a look of impatient delight with his brothers, he slowly turned the handle and opened the door.

Standing upon the threshold of the room, holding their breaths in the wonder of the moment, they saw Marie sitting in bed, propped up against her pillows, cradling something small in her arms.

She smiled warmly at them. "Mes cheres," she said. "Come and see your little sister."

The three boys stepped into the room, Ben following behind them. Dr Martin seemed forgotten and unnoticed as they crowded next to Marie's side.

Still cradling the small form in her arms, Marie removed a fold of the blanket so that they could see more clearly. "Here is your sister."

The boys stared, spellbound, transfixed by the beauty and wonder of new life, of this little baby that was their sister. The new member of their family!

Ben picked up Little Joe so that he could see more easily. "What do you think?" he asked softly.

"He's a _girl_?" Little Joe said.

Marie smiled, "Yes, Mon petit. You have a sister."

"She's going to be the picture of her mother!" Ben said proudly.

"But she's _red_!" Joe said reproachfully.

"All babies are red, huh, Adam?" Hoss said.

"Yes," Adam said, smiling happily at his little sister.

"She's _small_!" Little Joe pointed out.

"So were you, Mon Petit, when you were born," Marie explained. "You were once as small at this little one here."

Joe looked appalled. "I was?"

Ben smiled and fondled Joe's mass of brown hair lovingly. "Yes, you were."

"But I'm big now!" Joe stated firmly. "Will she ever be big?"

"Oh, she'll grow to be just like her mother – just you wait and see." He stared lovingly at his pretty, young wife.

Adam sighed with contentment. Right now their family could not be made happier!

He turned to Ben, "What's she called?"

Ben looked at all three of his sons before smiling at his wife and finally letting his gaze fall upon his new baby girl.

"Louise," he said. "She's going to be called Louise. Louise Marie Cartwright."

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**I hpe this was a nice start to the story. Please leave me a review. I would love to hear from you! I will try to update as often as I can! :-)**


	2. The Accident

**Thankyou so much for all of your reviews! I felt so encouraged! I hope you all like this chapter, too! :-)**

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**Chapter 2 – The Accident**

The days that followed were euphoria to the Cartwright family. Louise Marie slept heavily, and hardly disturbed her mother. Marie recovered fully, and was riding again within in less than a month – much to her joy, for she did so love to ride.

It was four weeks after the birth of little Louise Cartwright when Marie decided to saddle up her horse and go riding. It was a Saturday. Ben was sat at his desk, performing the hard and tiring work at the pen and paper end of keeping a working ranch.

Adam was upstairs watching Baby Louise in her little cot as he had promised Marie that he would. One eye he kept faithfully upon the sleeping bundle and the other studiously devoured the words of Tennyson in a little volume that had been given to him by Marie and Ben.

Hoss and Little Joe were playing happily outside – some wild game of cowboys and Indians that made Ben hold his forehead tightly as if to push out the sound, and Adam occasionally look up from his reading and shake his head.

Finally, at the point where Little Joe managed to 'scalp' Hoss, and the latter let out a most realistic scream, Adam put down his book. Walking over to the window, he opened it and called out in a loud whisper, "Hoss! Joe! Be quiet! Louise is sleeping!"

Little Joe rolled his eyes. "Aw, Adam – we was just having fun!"

"Well there's a baby in the house now, so you need to learn to play quietly! If you wake up Louise with all your noise then you'll be mighty sorry."

Little Joe crossed his arms in front of his chest stubbornly. "Says who?"

"I say so, little brother – and you know Pa says to mind me!"

Little Joe's answer to this was a scowl. Adam simply shook his head and closing the window, and checking that his baby sister was still breathing, sat back in his chair.

Before he had a chance to reopen his book to the piece of verse that he was reading, a blood-curdling war-whoop sounded outside. With a sudden cry, Louise Marie's face crumpled up, and she began to wail pitifully. Scooping her up into his arms, Adam rocked her gently, talking to her soothingly until she was quite calm.

"It's alright, Baby Lou! Shh, shh. It's alright. It's only your big brothers playing outside. Don't you worry, Louise Marie! It's alright!"

Sure enough, Adam's soothing words seemed to work their magic, for soon Louise closed her eyes again, curling her tiny fingers sleepily as a yawn escaped her rounded lips. Adam brushed a finger across her soft cheek, and smiling at the baby in his arms, gently placed her back into her cot.

As the whoops outside once more began their toll, Adam turned a determined face towards the door, and walked out of the room and down the stairs. Ben was just standing up from his desk.

"It's alright, Pa. I'll see to it."

"Is Louise alright?" Ben asked. "I heard her crying. I would have come, but I knew her big brother could handle it."

Adam smiled at the compliment. "Thanks, Pa. Yes, she's fine."

He crossed the room and opened the front door, his smile disappearing when he saw Little Joe encircling a now tied up Hoss.

Adam was next to his brothers in an instant.

"I thought I told you two to quieten down!"

"Aw, Adam …" Joe began.

"Don't you 'Aw, Adam' me! You made Louise cry!"

"So? Babies always cry! Mama told me!"

"Little Joe! I told you you'd be sorry if you woke Louise!"

"We was just playing!"

"Joseph Francis Cartwright! Shame on you after I told you not to make too much noise! You deliberately made more noise so that you could continue your fun!"

"I don't know what debibberate … dibbiberately … I don't know what that word means, but I don't see why you have to be so bossy! And why does a baby has to ruin everything?!" Little Joe suddenly exclaimed.

"Louise isn't ruining everything, Little Joe! You're just refusing to comply to the new rules that come with having a baby in a household!"

"I wish she'd never been born!" Joe screamed.

Adam stared at Little Joe in shock, unsure what to think, do or say. Had Little Joe actually said what he thought he'd just said?

Finally Adam spoke. "Joe! How could you even say that about your little sister?"

"Everyone has more time for the baby now! You haven't even found time to read me a single story since she was born!"

Adam suddenly realized the truth of Joe's words. Joe had been the baby of the family, and now someone had taken his place.

"Listen, Joe …"

"No!" Little Joe cried stubbornly, jutting out his chin. "I won't listen."

Adam turned to Hoss, wondering why he hadn't said a word, and at one noticed the gag in his brother's mouth.

Quickly freeing his brother from the gag and the rope that tied him (with surprisingly good knots for someone Joe's age), Adam then turned on his youngest brother.

"Little Joe – what do you mean by gagging your brother?"

"Hoss didn't want to make much noise after you were so bossy – so I said he didn't have to if he didn't want to. I put the gag in his mouth – it was part of the game – and then he couldn't make a sound!"

"Little Joe!"

"I told you, Adam – we was playing!"

"I know you were, Little Joe. I know it was a game. But you need to learn …"

"I don't need to listen to you!" Joe cried, turning around and running off.

Adam caught him before he had got too far and held him by the collar of his shirt.

"Lemme go! Lemme go!"

"Little Joe! Listen to me. I gave you fair warning …"

"She's spoiled everything. You're no fun anymore! You only care about that precious baby! Well, I hate her!"

He kicked Adam's shin, and tried to pull himself free, but Adam wasn't finished.

He turned Little Joe around, and swatted the seat of his britches, hard.

Little Joe swung around and turned wide, forest green eyes at Adam. Suddenly those eyes filled with tears.

"I hate you!" Little Joe screamed. "I hate you! I hate you!"

"Mon Cherie!" a voice suddenly called. "Mon Cherie!"

Marie was loping towards them. Loping towards the yard!

Ben opened the door of the house, and stood in the doorway. He had just overheard Joe's words to Adam, and was on his way to have a few words with his youngest son. But now his frown melted when he saw his beautiful wife sailing towards him.

She drew her horse to a stop when she was still some way away, and called out, "Mon Cherie! See how fast this new horse you gave me flies! See me ride!"

Ben smiled complacently. "Not too fast, Marie!"

She tossed her pretty head almost defiantly. "I shall ride fast! I always ride fast!"

And with those words she squeezed the horse on, and urged him into a gallop!

"Marie! Don't ride so fast into the yard!" Ben called, smiling at her.

"Yes I shall, Mon Cherie! Watch me ride! Watch me fly!"

She had reached the yard now. Her eyes shone with childish excitement, and her cheeks were pink from the healthy exercise. Her horse came tearing in, sweating and breathing hard.

Quite suddenly, the great animal slipped and came crashing down to the floor. Marie gave a half-hearted shriek as the animal fell, crushing her beneath its weight.

"Marie!" Ben dashed forward, whilst his three sons stood on, watching. Fear rooted them to the ground.

The horse scrambled to its feet and trotted away. No one went after him. No one saw him. All eyes were upon Marie's limp form.

Ben knelt on the floor and scooped her up into his arms.

"Marie! My love! Marie!"

But there was no answer.

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**Well, I hope you enjoyed. *Sob* I know it's sad, but I had to include this! Please review. I love to hear from you all! :-)**


	3. A Reason to Go On

**Thankyou all so much for your reviews. I am so glad you're enjoying my story, and I hope this next chapter does not disappoint your expectations! Enjoy!**

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Chapter 3 – A Reason to Go On

"Pa …" Adam could barely choke out that single syllable when he saw that look in Ben's eyes. It was the same look that he had seen there eleven years before; a look that he would never forget. A hollow, dazed and haunted stare! It was dreadful. And in that one moment Adam knew.

Marie was dead.

"Mama?" Little Joe crept slowly over towards his parents, peering at the pale face of his mother. His bottom lip trembled as he picked up her hand, watching her face for a look, a single smile, a soft, whispered, 'Mon Cherie.'

But Joe did not find what he was looking for.

He turned watery, bewildered eyes towards Adam. His eldest brother just stared back at him, emptily.

"Adam? Why's Mama …"

Joe could not finish his question. He hurried over to his big brother and threw his arms around him, sobbing. His previous words of hate were forgotten in that one moment as a sudden need for love and comfort came over him.

Adam scooped up the little boy into his arms. With a gentle hand on Hoss' back, he guided the eleven year old towards the house. He didn't know what to think or say, but before he knew it, he was sat on the sofa with two sobbing boys on his shoulders.

"Why didn't my Mama answer me, Adam? What's wrong with my Mama?"

Adam's voice caught in his throat. Hoss knew. But how could he tell Joe? Young, innocent Joe! A five year old who had known no sorrow.

"Adam! Why'd she have to go, too?" Hoss cried miserably. "Why'd she have to go?"

Adam shook his head. Why did she have to go? Why had she gone? He had never met his own mother, Elizabeth, for she had died after giving birth to him. As for Inger! He could remember her death as one of the worst days of his life. The day that Ben had started acting so distant and spectral! He never wanted to see that happen to Ben again.

But he was afraid, dead afraid, that Ben was going to act in that manner once more. It had scared Adam before, and he knew that it would not fail in scaring him again.

Suddenly the door swung open, and Ben entered the house, carrying Marie's limp form in his arms. He didn't seem to notice his sons. He stared ahead of him, with a frightening, mad gleam frozen over his eyes. He just carried his wife's body up the stairs. Up and up.

Adam felt his heart shudder with irrepressible convulsions. His brothers were sobbing around him; a deadly stillness that whispered of death crept around the room, and Louise Marie had begun to cry. But Adam did not hear those things. He heard them, and yet he did not hear them. A sudden yearning to mourn Marie's death rent his heart as a strength of character that was foreign to him battled his emotions.

He had to be strong for the others!

He, Adam Cartwright, had to be brave. He had to be for his father, for Hoss, for Little Joe, and even for baby Louise.

Suddenly, Hop Sing appeared from the kitchen.

"What wrong, numba one son?"

Adam looked up at the Chinese cook, trying to find his voice, to control it and his tears.

"Ma's … Ma's had an accident, Hop Sing."

"Then numba one son lide and get doctor!"

"No, Hop Sing. She doesn't need a doctor. She doesn't need …"

He couldn't finish what he was saying. It was as if saying the words made the nightmare even more real. As if Marie had had some chance before, but now that the words were out, her fate was sealed. Adam only held onto his two brothers all the more tightly, trying to get a grip of his emotions.

Louise was still crying, but Adam knew that Ben was deaf to her tears. All that Ben could hear were those words. Those last fatal words that Marie had ever spoken!

"_I shall ride fast! I always ride fast! Yes I shall, Mon Cherie! Watch me ride! Watch me fly!"_

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Days went by. Long days that were made longer by the heaviness in all of their hearts! But though time did pass, life had stood still. How could life go on? A shadow had passed over the Ponderosa – a shadow that stood in their midst and entered their very hearts.

Adam grew older during those weeks. He wore himself out trying to be braver than he felt. Becoming someone and something that wasn't him – but he knew he had to be. He had to be for the others – perhaps, strangely, even for himself! Even though it broke his heart and seemed to drive him mad, he knew that somehow, being strong for his family was what would help him pull through. It had to!

Little Joe clung madly to Adam. He lived in his brother's shadow – following him around by day, and looking to him for comfort at night.

Ben lived in a dazed oblivion. He was a stranger to his own sons. He became a hermit amongst his family – pining for his wife, wasting away.

Hoss fluctuated between moments when he comforted Little Joe, and times when he, too, could not carry the weight of the loss. And at times like these he would turn to Adam.

Adam who had been strong since the beginning!

And so, carrying his own sorrows, and somehow managing to carry the rest of the family's, Adam gradually pulled his family through that time of tragedy.

All except for Ben!

He wasn't sure how to help his father. He scarcely knew how he helped the boys – even himself. Ben shut himself away from everyday life. He excluded all those around him – even the new baby.

Especially the new baby!

She reminded him of her. Of Marie! And it was too much for him. He lapsed into such a great depression that Adam knew that Louise Marie could not possibly be cared for by her father. And so he transferred her cot out of Ben and Marie's room, and into his own.

Many a night he would find himself rocking a crying Louise to sleep – a crying Louise who called for her mother in terms that only a baby can use! Who cried, but was never heard by the ears they were meant for.

At other times he would be soothing Little Joe after a nightmare, or just a remembrance of that one nightmare that had been real. That _was_ real. That still went on and on.

Every night, when he was by himself, Adam would drop to his knees, and sob out a desperate prayer. A prayer for Ben to be restored to them all!

Sometimes, of an evening, when he checked on his brothers before he retired to his own room, upon passing Ben's he would hear unintelligible words, choked and muffled with sobs. Many a time he had wanted to rush in, to throw his arms around his father and cry his heart out. But he hadn't. At times he would grasp the door handle with firm resolve – but then loose his hold, and with sagging shoulders and a wilting heart turn away.

The truth was the seventeen year old boy did not know how to comfort his father. He had hoped Louise Marie would be the new life that would spark in Ben – but he had been wrong. Hopelessly wrong. Ben had been enveloped in a vast chasm of misery – and Adam had no idea what could possibly draw him out!

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It could last no longer! Adam knew that. Hoss thought it, and as for Joe. He felt it, but couldn't express it or fully comprehend. What they all knew, though, was that they couldn't stand it any longer.

Ben's haunting manner after Marie's death only seemed to intensify the pain for the rest of the family. There was no way that they could possibly move on without him. Thus, rounding down to the last thing, the only one on God's earth that might bring Ben out of his nightmarish stupor, Adam decided to take Louise Marie to his father.

Though he had not been able to face her before – though he had evaded the whole family by shutting himself up in his room – Adam knew from past sorrows that something could and would draw him out.

That something had to be Louise.

Ben had said it himself.

"_She's going to be the picture of her mother!"_

If anyone could draw Ben out of this living death that he was putting himself through, then surely it was Marie's baby. Surely the symbol of new life would conquer the sting of death!

And so, on that Sunday morning, when everyone was in church – everyone except the Cartwright family – Adam gently lifted up the sleeping form of Louise Marie from her cot and carried her towards Ben's room.

The door was shut, as always, but Adam turned the handle, and pushed the door open.

Ben was sat in a chair, his back hunched, his forehead grasped in his hands. There was something so unreal about him. As if part of him had died along with Marie.

Perhaps a part of him had.

Adam walked quietly towards Ben, and when he reached him, placed a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder.

Ben started, as if woken from a dream. He stared at Adam out of hollow, bloodshot eyes before returning to his position of languid despair. Adam could have given up hope – but he thought of Hoss, and Little Joe, and dear little Louise. The father that they knew had gone away, gone far away, following his wife right to the Pearly Gates, leaving behind him a shadow, an empty shell, a dreadful apparition – and it was up to Adam to bring him back.

So, summoning up a resolve that he had taught himself to muster since Marie's death, Adam shook his father gently with one hand, whilst cradling Louise in his other arm.

Ben did not move. He did not respond to the desperate shakings of his son that were a frantic plea to come back. He didn't want to come back.

Quite suddenly, Louise awoke from her sleep. Her face screwed up with a sob, and she began to cry.

Adam let go of his father's shoulder, and adjusting Louise's position in his arms, began to rock her slowly. He didn't notice Ben slowly looking up as the sound of his daughter's cries filled his ears. The ears that had been deaf to so many other sounds for so long!

It was then that Adam saw two, large calloused hands taking a hold on the crying Louise. His heart skipped a beat as he glanced at his father's eyes. There was a new look in them now. It was sad, but there was urgency in them. A fatherly need to comfort his daughter!

Adam loosed his hold on Louise as Ben scooped her out of his arms, and cradled her in his own. He muttered soft words to her, rocking her gentling back and forth. Adam's breath caught in his throat as he watched on. Could it be? Was Ben coming back to them?

Louise soon quietened down again, and closed her heavy eyes. Once she had let her dropping eyelids fall, Adam looked longingly at his father.

"Pa?"

Ben slowly lifted his head and looked at his eldest son. He saw a young man there. A young man who had matured quicker than what was normal or right. Perhaps it had been too much for Adam. Perhaps that was the reason for the look of desperation, for the longing; for the heavy and drained dullness in his son's dark eyes – eyes that, despite showing weariness, also showed a defiant gleam that cried out against giving up hope! Eyes that had seen so much within the bounds of sorrow and pain!

In that one instant, Ben knew. He knew everything – the whole painful suffering that his family had been through without him – and as the tears filled Adam's eyes, his own tears spilt down his cheeks.

"Oh, Pa!" Adam said, throwing his arms around his father, and hugging him fiercely. Ben grasped his son as tightly as he could, the sorrow and pain mingling with a new pain as the hurt came out in a new sense. In a sense that was shared. The right kind of mourning – that mutual grief that poured out sadness and comforted at the same time!

It wasn't long until Hoss and Little Joe ran into the room, and clung onto their father, sobbing into him.

Amongst his immense sadness, Adam suddenly felt a great load tumble away as a relief hit him that was almost staggering. He realized that Ben would now resume his place as head of the Cartwright family, that that burden no longer fell on him. Through his tears he looked at his father – changed by grief, and yet restored to them. His gaze fell to Hoss, who knelt by his father whilst the tears streamed down his cheeks. Little Joe was clinging to his father's arm, squeezing it as the tears flowed, and Louise Marie was somehow managing to sleep through their deafening sobs.

Despite Adam's tears of sorrow, tears of joy mingled with them. They were a family once again!

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**Bitter-sweet, I know. Well, I hope you liked this chapter. Many thanks again to you all for reading, and please do review! I love to hear from you!**


	4. Adam Goes Away

**Hi guys! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. Thanks again for all the feedback. I love to read your reviews! I hope you like this chapter!**

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Chapter 4 – Adam Goes Away

Life did go on. It was possible now.

The year that passed was a bitter-sweet one. Bitter without Marie, and yet sweet with the new member of the family!

A whole year had gone by now since Marie's death. Hoss was eleven and Little Joe was six. Louise Marie had had her first birthday, and was sitting, crawling and even saying a few words. The first word she had ever spoken was 'Dam' which everyone understood to be 'Adam'. Of course, Adam had been delighted, but Ben had hurried to teach her 'Pa'.

Adam was now eighteen – and the day had finally arrived. The day that he was to leave the Ponderosa and his family, and go to college in Boston!

Adam scanned his room one last time. It would be a long time till he would see it again. He thought wistfully back over the past year, and almost wondered whether it was fair to leave his family when they had depended upon him so much during that first hard year without Marie.

But no! He had a life to live – and an education to be had. Besides, Ben would never hear of him giving up his education for the sake of his family.

Adam descended the staircase, running his hand down the bannister fondly as he did so. Just as he reached the bottom of the stairs, he saw something that made him stand still. The breath caught in his throat, and a hint of moisture formed in his eyes.

Right before him Louise Marie was taking her first steps. Hoss was standing just behind her as she gingerly put one wobbly leg in front of the other. She fell countless times, but always got back up again. She kept on walking until she had made it to her brother.

"Dam! A …dam … dam … dam!"

Adam scooped her up into his arms and held her close. He had seen her take her first steps, but there was so much that he was going to miss in the years that he would be away. So very much! Why, she wouldn't even remember him. She would never remember the loving brother who had cared for her so tenderly, whom she had named in her very first words, whom she had walked to in her very first steps! He would be a stranger to her when he returned.

Adam could have lost his resolve to go to college when he felt those small, chubby hands grasp his face. When he saw the babyish smile, and heard the little giggle that came out from her pink lips. When he heard her call his name over and over with her sweet sounding voice! It broke his heart.

But he was going. It rent his heart in pieces – but he was still going.

Ben came into the house.

"Alright, Adam? You almost ready?"

"She took her first steps, Pa!" Hoss cried triumphantly.

"She did?" Ben said, his face lighting up with paternal pride.

"Didn't have to help her neither. Each time she fell she just picked herself up again! She wasn't about to see it beat her!"

"She's as stubborn and determined as Adam then!" Ben said with a laugh.

"She was headed for Adam, too!" Hoss added.

Ben smiled at his eldest, "Yes. She loves her big brother."

"But when I come back she won't know me anymore!" Adam said almost bitterly, setting her down on the floor to let her roam to her heart's content, trying out her new-found exercise.

Ben walked over to his eldest and put a strong, comforting hand on his back.

"She won't forget you, Adam! We'll keep the memory of you alive. That's a promise!"

Adam smiled wistfully. "It won't be the same. Not for her, at her age. Little Joe – he's just the right age. He'll remember me. Not like Hoss or you – but he will. And when I come back – oh, Pa! I've already done the maths. I'm not blind! Hoss'll be sixteen, Little Joe will be ten, and Louise – she'll be five."

"I see you wisely kept my age out of it!" Ben said smilingly, trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh, Pa! They'll be so different – I'll have missed seeing part of their growing up, and I hate that. I want to be here to see it – I don't want to miss it. But I want to go to college. I want to learn. I feel torn, Pa. Torn!"

"Now, Adam – we've been through this hundreds of times. You're going to college and that's that! Go to college, Adam. Learn all you can. You're smart, son! Real smart. Make use of the talent God has given you – don't bury it away in the dirt of Nevada Territory. Go to college – but at the end of it all, come back. The Ponderosa is your home, and we're you're family. And we never will be quite complete until you're home again."

Adam smiled gratefully, "Thanks, Pa. I will come home. I'll think of the Ponderosa every minute I'm at college, and I'll think of my family, growing up without me, every single second!"

"Well, spare an odd minute or two for your studies," Ben said with mock gravity. His face broke into a warm smile. "I'm proud of you, Adam. Proud that you're going to New England to study! Now go there, and make the name of Cartwright proud!"

Adam smiled at Ben, his dark eyes gleaming beneath his black eyebrows. "I will, Pa. At least, I'll try."

"I know you will, Adam," Ben said, nodding his head. "I know you'll make our name proud. But most of all, I know you'll make me proud."

Adam smiled, "I hope I will."

"You already have, son," Ben said. "I'm already very proud of you."

Adam's chest swelled.

Suddenly, Little Joe burst through the door. "Adam! The buckboard's ready! Ain't you coming?"

Adam's heart lurched forward, but his face broke into a smile. "Not until my little brother comes and says goodbye to me!"

Little Joe ran forward, nearly knocking Adam over as he threw his arms around Adam's legs in a tight squeeze.

"I wish you didn't have to go," he mumbled.

"What was that?" Adam asked, squatting down in front of his brother.

"Stay! Please?"

Once more Adam's heart twisted, but he knew that he had to go. If he went then he would have his regrets, but if he didn't go, then he would also have regrets. He had to choose between college and his family.

He loved them – that would never change. And he'd be back! It wasn't as if he'd be gone forever. No – it was best if he went. He could learn, learn plenty. Then he could pour all of his knowledge into the ranch. Besides – he longed to travel. He wanted to see New England.

Yes, it was better if he went.

Adam stood up, ruffling Little Joe's hair. "I love you, little brother – and I'll be back before you know it."

Joe shook his head, and his eyes were sad. "I'll be big – and so will Louise!"

Adam sighed. Little Joe was so young, and yet he had spoken astute words for a boy his age. He had spoken the truth – and in that one moment Adam realized how right people were when they said that the truth hurts!

"Bye, Hoss," Adam said, walking up to his other brother and pulling him close for a quick hug. He didn't care if Hoss was getting older and began to feel the need to have less hugs – this was the last time he would see him for a long time, and he wanted that last hug to carry him through the long years at college.

"Aw, bye Adam! Me and Joe – we'll be counting down the days till ya come home!"

Adam smiled sadly, "So will I."

"Goodbye, numba one son. You learn plenty to make father vely happy!"

Hop Sing's words made Adam turn around. He smiled at the Chinese cook.

"I will, Hop Sing. I sure am going to miss your good cooking!"

"When numba one son come back, Hop Sing cook vely big meal to make up for it!"

Adam smiled, "I'll look forward to it."

He looked down at little Louise Marie, who was trying to crawl up his pant leg. He smiled and crouched down next to her.

"Goodbye, Little Lou," he said, using his special nickname for her. "When I come back you'll be almost as big as Joe is now – and you'll wonder who on earth I am!"

He kissed her forehead tenderly, and she giggled and gurgled away merrily, having no idea that the brother that she loved so much was going away.

"A … dam!" She cried. "Adam!"

The tears filled his eyes as his breath became hitched, and not even sparing a moment to take in the house one last time, Adam hurried outside.

Ben followed him, and climbing up into the seat of the buckboard, father and son set off.

Little Joe and Hoss, who was carrying Louise, hurried out of the house just as the buckboard began to drive away.

"Adam!" Little Joe called chasing after the departing buckboard for a few yards. "Don't forget us!"

"Bye Adam!" Hoss cried making his way over to Joe. "Write! Me and Joe will!"

Louise began to cry, reaching out her arms to her departing big brother. "A … dam! A … dam!"

Adam did not turn around. He knew that if he did then he would never find it in himself to leave the Ponderosa and his family.

So, with the wheels of the buckboard carrying him further and further away from his home, Adam left the Ponderosa, with the sounds of his siblings' calls still ringing in his ears.

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**Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for reading folks, and please do review! :-)**


	5. Lost

**Thanks again for all your support! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Sorry if it's a bit short. **

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Chapter 5 – Lost

Time passed, and as Adam had predicted, the children grew. A year passed, and Adam's constant letters showed how much he missed his family.

Ben, Hoss and Little Joe each wrote letters to Adam, and Little Joe always signed Louise's name on the end of his, "Till she's big enough to write her own name," he would say.

And so the days went on. The second year passed, and Ben found himself constantly reminded of Marie as Louise grew bigger. Even Little Joe reminded him of his late wife.

As Louise grew older, she became increasingly shyer to the point that she clung madly to Ben, Hoss, Joe, and even to Hop Sing, but would hide from anyone else. Though she was a happy child, she would have moments when she felt too shy to talk, even when only in front of family. This fact did concern Ben a little; especially at times when she glued herself so much to him that she could not be detached upon any account. But then he would smile to himself, remember that she was only young, and conclude that she would grow out of it.

The third year of Adam's absence gradually crept around, and as Adam's letters continued to make their way to Nevada Territory, Ben noticed the yearning and excited tinge to his eldest son's words. Not so very long, Ben would promise himself, and they would be a family again. They would be quite complete. But then his thoughts would turn to Marie, and to Inger and Elizabeth. No – perhaps they could never be complete in that way. But at least, when Adam returned, a greater part of that hole would be filled.

And even though there was a hole in that family with Adam being away, life had wound its way into a new form of normal.

It was on one these 'normal' days, when Hoss and Joe had come back from school and the family were sat around the meal table, that Ben announced, "I think it's time we had a day off."

All three children's eyes rose from their plates to look at their father – only Hoss managed to still shovel in several forkfuls of dumpling whilst looking expectantly at Ben.

"Well, I've been working so hard on organizing the ranch and going through all of my paperwork that I realize I haven't seen much of my children – and I've missed you all. So, what do you think, as tomorrow is Saturday, of us all going on a picnic?"

"A picnic, Pa?" Little Joe asked excitedly. "You mean it?"

"I think it would be nice if we spent some time together," Ben said. "Don't you?"

Hoss smiled, "I sure do, Pa. That sounds real nice."

Ben turned his eyes to his little daughter. "And what do you think, Louise?"

Louise turned her wide eyes to look at Ben, and said quite quietly, "I'd like that, Pa."

"Good," Ben said. "Then it's decided. We picnic tomorrow!"

And so they did.

It was a beautiful day – just perfect for picnicking. Ben drove his children and a large hamper out in the buckboard to a beautiful spot. It couldn't have been better!

The air was filled with the excited chatter of the merry party, and even little Louise seemed too happy to care about being shy!

After sitting down to eat, Ben pulled something out of his pocket.

"A letter?" Little Joe cried excitedly. "From Adam? Is it, Pa?"

"Yes! I picked it up yesterday, and thought we'd save it for today."

"How could ya even wait?" Hoss asked.

"I almost couldn't," Ben admitted. He tore the envelope open and handed out a letter to Hoss, and one to both Little Joe and Louise, and settled back with one of his own.

The air now fell silent, except for Little Joe's whispered voice as he quietly read the letter aloud to Louise. Although Ben had been working on her reading with her, and she could read quite well, she found it harder to read handwriting than printed books, and preferred Joe to read the letters out to her.

She sat on the picnic cloth, legs crossed, elbows on her knees, chin cupped in her hands, wondering. Wondering who this Adam really was – what he was like. He was her brother, she knew that – but that was all she knew. He seemed to care about the little stories she would get Joe to write in the letters – the little stories of mishaps and adventures that Louise and Little Joe would get up to together. And sometimes, Adam would send a little story for Ben, Hoss, or Joe to read to Louise before she went to bed. A story that he had come up with – that he had written down just for her.

And so Louise supposed that he cared for her. And yet if he had loved her as much as her other brothers did, then why had he gone away? This mystery brother confused her. It was too much for her mind.

In his letters he spoke about coming home. He would be home soon – at least, in just over half a year. Louise wasn't sure if she was excited or nervous. Did she want to meet him? Would he ruin the only family that she had ever known? She was the baby of the family, and perhaps petted and spoiled too much because of it. Would that change? And she was afraid of people – afraid of meeting and seeing anyone outside of the family that she knew. Would she feel the same about Adam?

Everyone was so involved in reading their letters – and though Joe read aloud to Louise he was paying too much attention to the words in the letter to pay Louise any heed – so no one noticed the little girl stand up and wander away. She was tired of hearing about this Adam. He puzzled her. To Louise, he was like a stain on a piece of clothing that would never wash away, and you never knew quite how it had got there.

In her confused and troubled thoughts Louise walked further than she had intended. She walked so far, in fact, that she never heard the voices calling for her as Ben, Hoss and Joe, now aware that she was gone, began to search for the little girl.

Once aware that she had walked some way, Louise turned around to go back, but everything looked the same, and it wasn't long before she realized that she had been walking in circles.

Her expressive eyes wide with terror, Louise remembered the words Ben had always said to her.

"_If ever you can't find us, then stay where you are and we will find you."_

Fear, however, had taken over, and Louise Marie, unable to think clearly, hurried off in a direction which she was sure would lead to somewhere at some point.

As she wandered further and further as the day wore on, Louise began to feel very much afraid. Finally not being able to see in front of her for the tears that blurred her view, Louise dropped to the floor and, rubbing her watery eyes with her small fists, called out in a trembling voice, "I want my Pa! I'm lost!"

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**Well, I hope you liked. This is where Louise Marie's nightmare begins, so keep an eye out for the next chapter! Thanks again for reading. Please review! It really makes my day to hear from you! Rachel :-)**


	6. A Frightened Witness

**Hey there, readers! Thanks for all the great reviews! So glad you like my story. I hope you like this chapter. :-)**

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Chapter 6 – A Frightened Witness

The sound of horse's hooves made Louise brush her tears aside and look around her. It was now quite late. The sun was beginning to melt from the sky, leaving a trace of red and gold as it sank from its meridian.

Louise stared hard, trying to bring a distant object into focus. Finally, unable to believe her eyes, the little girl gave a small cry of delight, and ran. Lying not far off was a house. She had come home! She was home at last – no longer lost! Now she could throw herself into Ben's arms and never, never let go!

She ran as hard as her little, tired legs could carry her. When she was almost at the house she stopped dead in her tracks.

This was not her home! In which case, she wasn't anywhere near home. She must have wandered a long, long way – right off the Ponderosa! She shivered with fright when she thought that, but instead of crying, she decided to see if anyone lived in this house, and if so, whether they could take her home.

A horse was tied up outside the house, and Louise decided that this must be the horse that she had heard. Perhaps, she thought hopefully, it was the horse of a member of a search party, ready to take her home!

As she approached the front of the house she heard raised voices inside. Someone was angry, and it made her long to crawl away and hide. Louise always became particularly shy and nervous when people shouted.

She had reached the door now, and the little girl reached up above her head and grasped the door handle. She turned it, and the door opened slowly and quietly.

Louise did not enter. She stood, mouth agape, eyes wide with horror, staring at the scene before her.

A man's back was turned to her, and in his hand was something that gleamed in the light from the fireplace.

It was a gun!

"You miserable man! I don't care what you say." There was a pause before the man commanded in a cold voice, "Stand up!"

Instantly an old man with grey hair and moustache stood up from an armchair and turned around to face the man. He started when he saw the gun.

"Now wait a minute! Put that gun away. You know better …"

It was too late.

_BANG!_

The old man fell to the floor, eyes and mouth wide with terror, a bleeding hole in his head.

Louise wanted to run but she was too afraid. She was petrified, rooted to the floor.

The man turned around, holstering his gun, and it was then that she saw his face. A cruel face!

As soon as he saw her he hurried towards her, the anger clouding his eyes. It was then that she found her legs, and she turned and ran!

But she did not run far. She soon found herself caught in a cold, iron grasp.

"What are you doing here? What did you see?" the man shook her roughly.

She thought she choked out an answer, but she was so scared she hadn't spoken.

He shook her again. "Answer me!"

"I'm … I'm lost!" she stammered.

"And? And? What did you see?"

"You … you shot him!" she cried, wide-eyed, afraid that he might shoot her, too.

The man took a deep breath and took off his hat, wiping his forehead with his arm, whilst still clutching her tightly with the other. He slammed down his black Stetson onto the ground next to Louise. It seemed to fall with a thunderous bang to her – so nervous was the poor girl that she jumped at the slight sound it made. Her eyes were peeled to the black hat that lay on the ground just touching the tip of her boot, but when he finally took her by both shoulders, her gaze darted up to his cruel face.

"You won't tell anyone what you've seen, will you?"

She stared at him.

"Will you?" he demanded, shaking her roughly.

"No! No!" she sobbed out.

"If you do," he said darkly, "no one will believe you. Everyone will think you're lying. I'm sure your daddy doesn't let you lie, now, does he?"

Louise shook her head, her eyes still wide.

"Your daddy would punish you if he thought you were telling tales, and nobody would believe anything you say anymore. They wouldn't trust you."

Louise was crying hard now. She didn't want her family to be cross with her. She didn't want her father to punish her, and she didn't want people not to believe her anymore.

"And one more thing, little girl," he continued. "You ever tell a soul what you've seen tonight – even when it gets out that the old man's dead – then you might find me paying a visit to you and your family. You see, I know where you live. I know everything. I have ways of knowing things. I will know if you tell anyone – and if you dare say anything then I might just use my gun on a member of your family. What do you say to that?"

"No! No, please! Please! I won't say a word!"

"Good!" the man smirked horribly. "But just see that you don't! Remember – I have ways of knowing. And I could easily …"

He let go of her and drew his gun from its holster, gradually edging it towards her head.

Louise gave a scream of fright, and turning, fled into the night, only hearing the man's dark, cruel laugh echoing after her.

* * *

Louise ran, stumbling all the way. But she didn't stop. She didn't look back. All the time she was certain that he was behind her, close on her heels. Following her! Chasing her with that gun!

She ran as hard as she could, tears blinding her way. Suddenly, she ran into something, and firm hands took hold of her.

"Lemme go! Lemme go!" she screamed, hitting out and struggling wildly.

"Louise? Shh! Honeykins, it's me, Hoss!"

Louise stopped struggling, and looking up, found herself looking into Hoss' face. It was quite dark now, but there was no mistaking her brother's face.

"Hoss! Hoss!" she sobbed, clinging to him as tightly as she could.

"Shh, Louise. It's alright. I've got you now," Hoss cried soothingly, picking her up and carrying her. "Pa! Over here! I've found her."

Ben came hurrying over.

"Thank God!" he cried, scooping his baby girl out of Hoss' arms. "Are you alright, Louise? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?"

"Scared, Pa. I'm scared."

"It's alright. Pa's got you now."

Ben sat down on a hollow log and held his daughter close. She cried herself out in his arms.

Ben and Hoss, along with a group of ranch hands, had formed a search party. The rest of the group were searching elsewhere, and Ben had arranged a signal if any of them found Louise.

He drew out his gun.

"No!" Louise cried.

"Baby, what is it? Papa just needs to signal to the men that we've found you."

"No! No, Pa! No!"

"Hoss, walk over there and fire the signal," Ben instructed, handing his son the gun whilst he studied his daughter anxiously.

Hoss did as he was told, and Ben hugged Louise tightly, thanking God inwardly for keeping her safe. He couldn't help but notice how much her body shuddered when she heard the gun being fired, but he knew that she had had a scare, and so he reasoned that any sort of noise could upset the small girl.

When her shivering did not stop, he gently asked, "Why are you so scared, Louise? Was it because you were lost and alone, or is there another reason?"

Louise shook her head, "I was lost, Pa! But you've got me now. Hold me!"

Ben did. He held his little girl as tightly as he could whilst she clung to him for all she was worth.

When Hoss returned, they mounted their horses – with Louise snuggled deep against Ben on his horse – and rode away.

* * *

When Ben carried Louise – who was too scared to be tired – into the house, they found Little Joe still up. He was sat on the stairs in his nightgown waiting impatiently for them.

"Louise! You found her!" he cried, jumping up and running over to them, relief flooding his face.

"Yeah, we sure have," Hoss said. "She ran plumb into me, crying so hard she couldn't see it was me!"

"Poor baby!" Joe cried.

"I'm not a baby!" Louise declared indignantly.

"You are too," Joe said.

"Am not!" Louise rejoined.

"Joseph, that's enough," Ben said, glad, however, that his son had managed to draw Louise out of her shaken state of fear.

"Louise," Ben said, sitting on the sofa and placing her on his knee. "Why did you run off?"

Louise's bottom lip trembled. She wasn't sure what to say.

"Don't be cross with me!" she whispered.

"Louise, I asked you a question," Ben prodded firmly but gently. Even though he spoke gently, the firm tone in his voice made her eyes well up with tears.

Ben brushed away the tears with his thumb, and looked at her, his eyes showing that he expected an answer.

"I was thinking."

"Thinking?"

"'Bout Adam," Louise said.

"Adam? What about him?"

"I never met him," she said.

"You have – you just don't remember."

She nodded her head. "That's right, Pa. I don't 'member him."

"But you'll see him again soon. You're looking forward to that, aren't you?"

Louise wasn't sure what to think, but she knew what Ben wanted her to think, so she nodded her head slowly.

"It was wrong to run off, though," Ben said.

Louise nodded her head again, even more slowly.

"You know it was wrong?"

Once again her little head with its masses of brown, wavy hair, bobbed ever so slowly up and down.

"Why didn't you stay where you were? You know I've always said to stay where you are! It makes it easier to find you!"

Louise swallowed a sob. If only she had stayed where she was then she would have never witnessed that awful scene. "I'm sorry, Pa."

Ben paused as he stared into her frightened eyes, and then said with a sigh, "Well, I think you've had enough of a scare tonight to teach you a lesson. But," he continued firmly, "you ever run off again young lady, and you'll find yourself in serious trouble. Do you understand?"

With bottom lip trembling, Louise nodded her head once again. Then, bursting forth into more tears, she threw herself against Ben.

She hadn't really taken in much of what he had said. All she could remember was the awful sight she had witnessed that night.

As Louise clung tighter and tighter to him, Ben couldn't help but wonder if something else had upset her other than just being lost. Perhaps something that she wasn't telling him. But then again, getting lost was a frightening experience – especially for a little girl her age. Besides, Ben was confident that his little girl would tell him everything.

Normally she would. But how could she with those threats still fresh in her ears – applied on such an innocent, susceptible mind?!

Squeezing Ben with all she was worth, Louise still could not find any comfort. All she could remember was the sound of the gunshot and the sight of the bloody hole in the man's head!

Louise Marie buried her face into Ben's chest, trying to block out the pictures that haunted her mind. Sobbing harder as she clutched at Ben, she cried out, "Oh, Pa! Pa!"

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**I just _had_ to bring a bad guy into it! LOL! I love creating baddies for any Westerns that I write. Does that sound bad?! I hope the murderer was scary enough! Please review! :-)**


	7. Adam Comes Home

**This is where Adam comes back into the story. Don't forget the last chapter because it plays a big part in the rest of the story! :-)**

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Chapter 7 – Adam Comes Home

Louise had nightmares for a long time after that. Every night she would dream that the man had found her, and was coming to kill her and her family. Every night she would dream the same dream – and every night she would refuse to tell Ben what had made her wake up screaming.

Mr. Clydesdale. That was his name. The name of the man who had been mysteriously murdered! No one knew the name of the man who had killed him – and only Louise knew the face. But she remained silent, determined not to bring about any of the things that the man had threatened would come upon her and her family.

As the months passed, part of the fear subsided – although Louise Marie was still too terrified to venture saying anything about it. Sometimes she would still dream about it – but when she did, she did not scream out any more. She had almost grown accustomed to these nightmares.

Guns terrified her – and she was afraid of having picnics anymore. Anything that reminded her of that awful incident would petrify and disturb her beyond words.

A shadow had loomed over the little girl, and it made her very heart grow cold with constant fear.

As the days went on, Louise crept more and more into her little shell. Her shyness, which before had been bad enough, grew somehow worse. She would not only hide from people outside of the family, but she grew dreadfully afraid of them. Sometimes she even seemed nervous when she was around her family. Ben noticed this, and mentioned it to Adam in his letters.

Louise had her fifth birthday, and the time of Adam's arrival drew near. Everyone was excited and bubbled away happily about the joyous homecoming. That is, everyone except for Louise Marie!

Finally the day arrived! The day when Adam Cartwright would return to Nevada, to his family, and to his home on the Ponderosa!

The family drove the buckboard out to meet him! Louise was even quieter today. The only words she had spoken that morning were ones begging Ben to let her stay at home. Of course he had told her that she was going to meet her brother and that had ended the matter.

Now, as they drove into Virginia City, Louise stared quietly over the side of the buckboard, feeling a chill of fear creep over her at the sight of so many people – at the thoughts of finally meeting her mysterious older brother.

The Cartwright family tumbled out of the buckboard, and made their way over to the stage depot. Little Joe kept hopping from foot to foot saying impatiently, "Where is it? Where is it?"

Indeed! Where was the stage? It was running late, Ben was sure. And never had a stage seemed so late to Ben Cartwright before! Why, his son would be all grown up. A man! An accomplished man straight out of college!

The pounding of hooves, the rattle of the stagecoach and a merry cry from the driver soon alerted the waiting family that the vehicle was on its way. It wasn't long till it drew up practically in front of them.

The door was thrown open!

A lady stepped out, complaining about the dreadful heat, and the wrinkles in her skirt.

But none of them saw the lady. All eyes were upon the dark haired, smart yet casual young man that jumped out of the stage and, with dark eyes sparkling happily, threw himself at Ben.

"Pa!" Adam cried, throwing his arms around his father. It had been a long time – too long.

"Adam! My word let me take a look at you!" Ben cried, stepping back so he could look at this new young man before him. But there was something the same. Something still called out of the same old Adam. He had not changed so very much. "Welcome home, son!"

"Oh, Pa, it's so good to see you again!"

Adam turned his gaze, and his eyes fell on Hoss. He could barely believe his eyes!

"Hoss!" he cried. "Hoss, is that you?"

"Sure is Adam," Hoss cried. "It sure is good to see ya again!"

The two brothers gave each other a hug and a slap on the back each.

Next was Little Joe. The boy who had been six when Adam had left had now sprouted into a tall but lean ten year old.

"Joe! Little Joe?"

Joe's face lit up, and he offered Adam his hand.

"Oh," Adam said, almost offended. He shook it just the same. But that wasn't enough to make up for the four years that Adam had been away. Little Joe realized that, and he threw his arms around his brother. "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, little brother," Adam said, smiling happily. He was so glad to be home!

Little Joe pulled himself out of Adam's tight hug, and Adam looked around him expectantly.

"Where's Louise?" he asked.

"Louise," Ben said, peering behind him at the wide-eyed five year old who was barely peeking out from behind his legs. "Come and say hello to your big brother."

He pushed her out from behind him, and Louise found herself looking up into Adam's dark, smiling eyes.

"Hello, Louise! I've missed you, little sister."

Louise just stared.

"She's shy," Joe filled Adam in.

"I know – Pa mentioned it in his letters. But surely you're not shy of me, are you?" Adam crouched down in front of her.

"Louise, don't be rude – say hello to Adam!" Ben instructed.

Louise opened her mouth to speak, but once more her shyness locked her jaw, and not a word came out.

She turned to look at Ben, and saw that he wasn't best pleased.

Adam saw how uncomfortable she was, and how displeased Ben was becoming, so he quickly said, "I don't suppose you remember me, do you?"

Louise shook her head.

"Well, I remember you! I remember the day that you were born – and I remember seeing you grow up until you were one, and then thinking about you every day for four whole years – and now here you are, all of five!"

Louise looked at him and finally whispered, "Are you really my brother?"

Adam smiled at her, "You bet I am; and mighty proud to be the big brother of such a pretty young lady!"

Louise went red and darted behind Little Joe. She held onto him tightly.

"Well," Ben's displeased voice broke the silence that followed. "Shall we go back to the ranch?"

He gave Louise a meaningful look, and she ducked behind Joe nervously. She didn't know this Adam, so how could she be expected to act normally around him? She stuck out her lips stubbornly. No one could make her treat Adam just the same as she treated Hoss and Joe. Adam was a stranger to her – and as far as Louise was concerned, that was how he was going to stay!

* * *

"It's wonderful to be back, Pa," Adam said as he and Ben walked out of the house together. There was a tone of deep regret in his voice. "It was too long. I've missed so much …"

"You're thinking about Louise, aren't you?"

"It hurts that she doesn't remember me. I knew she wouldn't. I faced those facts when I left – but I couldn't help but hope … but no. She doesn't remember me – and I don't know how long it will take for her to learn to get used to me either. I'm a stranger to her right now. I don't know when she'll see me as a brother."

"I'm sorry for the way she acted. I will speak to her, Adam. She's always acted so shy – but that's just got worse within the six months or so; ever since that time that she got lost. That's when I found something seemed to change inside of her. She became more nervous. You remember me writing to you about it?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"It doesn't make any sense Adam. I've tried everything. I must admit, I'm hoping her big brother will be able to help her out of this shyness."

Adam smiled. "I'd like that, Pa. I'll have a go."

Just then Louise skipped out the front door. She stopped when she saw Adam.

"Hello, little …"

Before Adam could finish talking, Louise darted off towards the barn.

Adam sighed and turned to look at Ben, who had a dark frown creasing his brow.

"Pa …"

"No, Adam, she knows better than that! I won't hear of her behaving in this manner. She may be shy, but she is not allowed to be rude!"

"Pa, let me go and speak to her. Please?"

Ben looked at Adam, and sighed. "Alright – but I don't see what good it'll do. If she's refusing to talk to you then I'm the one who needs to talk to her!"

Adam smiled almost sadly and walked over to the barn.

He found Louise petting one of the horses.

"You like horses?"

Adam's voice made her jump. She turned around to look at him, and nodded her head reluctantly.

"What's the matter, Louise?" Adam asked, smiling. "Cat got your tongue?"

Louise scowled and turned her back on Adam, reaching up to stroke the horse again.

"Well, well," Adam said. "That scowl certainly doesn't become a pretty baby girl like you."

Louise spun around and her words took Adam completely by surprise. "I'm not a baby!" she cried in her little voice.

"Oh, so you can talk. Now I know what to say each time I want you to say something!" Adam grinned at her.

Louise did not smile back. "Leave me alone."

She turned to walk out of the barn but Adam caught hold of her, and quickly kneeling in front of her, held her by the shoulders. Before he could say anything to her, Louise started to squirm.

"Lemme go! Lemme go!" Louise found herself shouting out.

She started. He was holding her by her shoulders – just like that man. She thrashed about fiercely, and knocked off Adam's hat in her struggles. It fell to the floor of the barn, just touching the tip of her boot.

It was a black Stetson, and it brought back memories. Dreadful memories!

Louise stared at it, aghast. Finally she could bear it no longer. Screaming at the top of her voice whilst sobbing uncontrollably she kicked and struggled until she had freed herself out of Adam's hold. She ran out of the barn, right into Ben.

"Louise, what is it?"

Louise pulled herself away from her father and stumbled towards the house, sobbing into her hands.

"What happened, Adam?" Ben asked, concern filling his eyes.

"I don't know Pa. I just don't know. She suddenly told me to leave her be, ran out of the barn, I stopped her, and she went wild. She struggled so hard she knocked my hat off, and when it fell to the floor …" Adam paused before continuing, "she screamed so hard whilst just staring at my hat. It … it didn't make any sense."

He looked at Ben as if waiting for an explanation for the way Louise had acted. But both men were equally confused.

Meanwhile, Louise had darted up the stairs to her room and thrown herself on her bed, sobbing all the while. He had brought back those memories, those dreadful memories. She buried her face into her pillow, as if to try and shut out the recollections of that dreadful encounter with the murderer. Why had Adam ever come home? She was just beginning to forget about that awful incident – and now this! Louise curled herself up into a tight ball and began to shake uncontrollably.

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**It sure is nice to have Adam back in the story - I hope you agree! Of course, Louise doesn't! Anyway, please review. I love hearing from you!**


	8. Ben's Talk

**Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. Sorry if it's a bit short.**

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Chapter 8 – Ben's Talk

"Hey, Louise, what's wrong?"

Little Joe stepped into his sister's room.

Louise looked up, her brown hair sticking to her damp cheeks.

"Aw, little sis, don't cry," Joe said, his heart melting when he saw her tears. He could never stand to see her cry. Come to think of it, none of them could. There was something about the way that her lips went down and trembled, and her wide eyes blurred with tears. Joe couldn't stand it!

He walked over to her and sat next to her on the bed. Putting an arm around her trembling form, he pulled her close.

"Tell big brother all about it!"

She shook her head. "I can't."

"No? But you tell me everything! Come on."

Adam had just ascended the staircase on the way to his own room, but he stopped outside Louise's room when he heard his two youngest siblings talking to each other.

"Come on, Lou," Little Joe said gently, trying to tease an answer out of her. "Tell me."

Louise wasn't sure what to say. She couldn't tell Joe about that dreadful night all those months ago. Instead she said, "Adam. I wish he'd never come."

"But Adam loves you. He's a great big brother."

"No he ain't. He left. He never stayed. I don't know him. He's scary!"

Adam sank back against the wall.

"_So that's how she feels about me! That's why she acted that way. I'm scary to her. Scary! Her own big brother – scary!"_

He turned to go downstairs, and found Ben looking at him.

Ben had obviously heard what Louise had said, too.

Adam just shook his head and pushed past his father. He couldn't talk. He couldn't trust his voice!

"Adam …"

"No, Pa," Adam said, putting his hands up to indicate for Ben to stop. "I never should have left. Either that or I shouldn't have come back!"

He hurried down the stairs and out of the house.

Ben watched his son disappear. Was this the welcome home that he had received after four years absence? He shook his head. There was something about the way Louise was behaving that he intended to talk to her about. She seemed to be holding something back. Well, she had better start answering Ben's questions – and fast!

* * *

"Joseph, I want to talk to your sister."

Ben's voice made Joe jump to his feet instantly, and casting a compassionate glance at his little sister, exit the room.

Louise began to wear her teary expression which broke Ben's heart, but he stood firm as he entered the room.

"I want an explanation for the way you've been treating your brother. I know you're shy, Louise Marie, but you know better than to be rude. And that's exactly what you have been – rude. You've hurt Adam's feelings – and I'm very disappointed in you."

Louise's mouth turned down when she heard the tone of Ben's voice and she stared dismally at her hands in her lap.

"I don't mean to make you appointed with me," she said tearfully.

Ben could have smiled at her wrong use of words, but instead he said, "Well then, you'd better start acting differently."

Louise pulled the saddest face in the world and stared at Ben, "I wish Adam had never come home."

"I know. I heard what you said to Joe – and it was wrong. No matter how shy you are, Adam is your brother, and you are going to treat him as such."

Louise's eyes turned wide and she shook her head quickly, "Oh, no, Pa! No!"

"Yes, Louise! You are going to treat Adam just the same as you treat Hoss and Little Joe. He is your brother – and I will not have you being rude. Now, I believe he's gone outside. We are going to find him and you will apologize for your behaviour to him today."

Louise stuck out her bottom lip, "Don't make me, Pa!"

"Young lady, you will do as I tell you!"

Ben's voice made Louise spring off the bed in submission and follow him out of her room, down the stairs, and outside.

Adam was on the porch, leaning against the side, looking at the Ponderosa. His home! What he had missed for so long.

"A … Adam," Louise stammered nervously.

He turned to see her, and a mixture of hurt and love filled his eyes. "Yes, Little Lou?"

Louise frowned. "Only Hoss and Joe call me that!"

Adam smiled, "But I was the first to ever give you that nickname."

Louise's eyes grew wide. "You were?"

Adam nodded his head.

A silence followed, and Ben gave Louise a nudge. "Adam," Louise went on. "I just want to say …"

She hesitated.

"Yes?" Adam said encouragingly.

"To say …"

Adam's eyebrows rose expectantly.

"To say that I …"

"Go on, Louise," Ben said. "Adam's waiting."

"To, well, um, to say …"

Adam crouched down in front of her so that they were almost eyelevel, "Yes, Lou, what did you want to say to me?" he probed.

Louise's bottom lip trembled as she stared into his eyes. His face, though more handsome, reminded her horribly of that man's! Maybe it was his dark eyes. Pictures of that dreadful happenstance flashed through her mind.

Finally she could bear it no longer. Throwing herself against Ben's legs she began to cry softly, "I can't Pa! I can't!"

"Louise," Ben's voice sounded warningly as he peeled her away from him, making her stand in front of Adam again.

"Adam …" Louise gulped as she tried to stop the tears from coming. "I'm sorry for being rude …"

"You're forgiven, Lou …"

"But," Louise interrupted, "I can't help it. I don't know you."

"Well that can change," Adam said, smiling warmly at her.

Louise shook her head. "No. I don't want to. I don't want to know you. Not ever!"

And before Ben or Adam could stop her, she darted into the house to find refuge within the walls of her room.

* * *

**I know - it's sad, but Adam's not likely to give up trying! Please review! It really makes my day to hear from you!**


	9. Adam Talks to Louise

**Hi there! I am so sorry that I haven't updated for a few days. We've got family down for Christmas, and my time has been spent occupying my six year old cousin! :-) Anyway, here's chapter 9 at last, and I hope you enjoy it!**

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Chapter 9 – Adam Talks to Louise

"She said it herself, Pa," Adam said, turning away. He continued in a broken and husky tone, "I never should have left."

"Adam, this isn't your fault. I," Ben sighed, "I don't know what's wrong with Louise. This is not how she's been brought up. She knows that, despite her shyness, she is not allowed …"

"Can you really blame her? I'm a complete stranger, butting into her everyday life. Ruining what's normal. What she's used to. It's not her fault!"

"No. Maybe not – but she does know not to behave in this way."

Adam turned back to face Ben, and his dark eyes seemed full of pain. "When I left, I knew it would be difficult. But I only saw part of the picture. I never thought it would be quite like this."

Ben walked up to his son in a desperate attempt to persuade him to think otherwise. "Adam, she loved to hear the letters and stories that you wrote, and she would always get excited when she told Joseph what to write in their replies. She always used to ask me, before she went to sleep, what you were like. When you'd come home. If you really loved her as much as you seemed to! Her excitement changed … I'm not quite sure when. That time that she got lost, she started acting more nervous and shy. She would cling to me more and more as if she was afraid of something. She's been painfully shy since then."

"Why does she act like that, Pa? What makes her so shy?"

Ben smiled sadly, "I don't know. I have no idea where that trait comes from. She's quiet, but she's stubborn. Oh, isn't she just like her big brother in that!"

Adam grinned. There was a moment's silence as the two men thought about the little five year old. Suddenly Adam's face grew serious.

"Do you think she would let me talk to her, if I tried? She hasn't given me much of a chance so far – and we've got four whole years to catch up on."

Ben sighed and shook his head, "I don't know, Adam. But there's no giving up for you, I hope." He smiled, "That's the one good part of being stubborn. You stick at things. Well, you stick at your sister. She's going to be a case. A mighty trying one – but you see it out, Adam. If I'm not mistaken, though it may take a while, by the time you get through her stubborn and shy shell, you'll both be so close they'll be no guessing that you ever went away."

Adam could only hope that Ben's words were true.

* * *

"Hey, Little Lou," Adam stepped into her bedroom, and took in the picture before him.

Louise was curled up on her bed, hugging her pillow to her and staring at something clasped in her hands. When Adam entered, she looked up and hurriedly stuffed the object that was in her hands under the pillow.

"Only my Pa, brothers and Hop Sing can come into my room!" she said.

"Well, it's a good job that I'm one of your brothers then!" Adam said, ignoring what she was implying as he sat on the edge of her bed. For someone so shy, she didn't mind speaking her mind sometimes! "What are you hiding under that pillow?"

"I ain't hiding nuthin'!" Louise declared.

Adam's dark eyebrows gathered in a quick frown before rising in surprise, "Don't you know not to lie, young lady?"

Louise scowled, and buried her chin into her pillow.

"For someone so sweetly and angelically painted in all the letters I received, you certainly scowl a lot!"

Louise looked at Adam and a rosy hue tinted her cheeks. "I want to be by myself."

"I know that – but if you get away with that excuse all the time, we'll never get to talk."

"I don't wanna talk," Louise retorted quietly.

"Well, I want to. So, what's under here?"

Adam grabbed the corner of the pillow and tugged at it. Louise clung to it madly.

"It ain't yours. It's mine!"

"Come on, honey, let me see!"

"I ain't your honey, and I won't let you see. This is my room." Her bottom lip protruded from her upper, and began to tremble. "Please leave me be!"

Adam stared at her. Finally he said, "Why do I scare you?"

Louise looked startled. Her hazel eyes opened wide. She opened to mouth to say something but her jaw locked and she couldn't get any words out.

"What's so scary, Lou? What's keeping you in there? We want you to come out. We want you to join in everything, but you keep hiding away. Why?"

Louise shook her head. He was speaking so softly and kindly to her. Just like Hoss and Little Joe would. Her eyes welled up with tears. She wanted to spill out how she felt, but she couldn't find words for it. This strange feeling of fear and shyness that seemed to almost smother her at times! It made her go cold and clammy, whilst her heartbeats seemed to shake the very air around her head. Her mouth would freeze, and keep her from saying anything. Her mind would blank, and she would be unable to think.

She wanted to escape. She wanted to so much! She felt timid and helpless – and she hated that feeling. But how could she tell Adam all of that. How could she word it? How could she speak so freely to this stranger? This man that claimed to be her brother – this man that was her brother, but she didn't want to be her brother! How could she?

"No!" she finally said. "No … I … go away!"

Adam opened his mouth to speak, but Louise turned her head away.

The hurt showing evidently on his face, Adam stood up and walked away. Before leaving the room, he turned back to look at her, and saw that she had retrieved the object from under her pillow.

It was a photo frame, and Adam could guess whose portrait was in it. In that one moment, a feeling of hope surged through him. Perhaps he had found the key to unlocking Louise's shyness. Perhaps there was one subject that Louise would let him talk to her about:

Marie!

* * *

That evening, during the evening meal, everyone talked excitedly except for Louise. Little Joe was talking nineteen to the dozen, hardly giving Adam time to comment or answer any questions.

After tea, Ben turned to Louise. Her eyes were drooping, but she was refusing to close them.

"I think it's time for a certain little girl to go to bed."

Louise would normally open her eyes by natural instinct to those fatal words, and declare that she wasn't sleepy, but instead Louise said, "Alright," and headed towards the stairs.

Ben, from where he sat in his armchair, scooped her up into his arms before she reached the staircase, and sat her on his knee. He frowned in concern, "Now when was the last time you when to bed without complaint?"

Louise gave a nervous giggle, "Can't 'member."

"No – neither can I. Are you feeling alright?"

Louise nodded her head vigorously.

Ben smiled, still unsure. "Alright! Say good night to your brothers and then I'll help you get ready."

Louise leapt off Ben's lap and hurled herself at Hoss. "Teddy hug!" she cried.

"Alright, here's a big teddy bear hug to send you off to dreamland!" Hoss cried, taking her into his huge arms and making her squeal with delight.

Adam watched on with a smile, a slight tugging at his heart. Would Louise include him in her round of hugs?

Once she had escaped Hoss' cuddle, Louise threw herself into Joe's arms. "Night, Joe!"

"Night, Louise," Joe said, stroking the top of her wavy mass of hair.

Louise pulled away and hesitated between Joe and Adam.

"Goodnight, Little Lou," Adam said, opening out his arms to her.

Louise teetered between Adam and the stairs. Finally she whispered a quick "Night," and bounded away.

Adam's heart sank as he watched her run upstairs. He hadn't expected anything different – but still…

Ben sighed and he rose from his chair. In passing Adam he put a hand on his son's shoulder. "I'm sorry Adam," he said.

Adam didn't answer. He couldn't find any words until Ben had started ascending the stairs. Suddenly he said, "Pa. Can I help her get ready? I'd like to tell her a bedtime story."

Ben turned to face Adam and his eyes smiled warmly at his son's persistence to reach his sister. "Yes, Adam. I'm sure Louise would like that. She always enjoyed your stories in the letters."

Adam nodded his head and quickly went past Ben up the stairs.

When he opened Louise's door he found her trying to twist round and unbutton her dress. The more she turned to reach the buttons, the more she walked round and round in circles, but all to no avail. Adam smiled at the quaint picture.

Louise looked up to ask Ben for help, but her face fell when she saw Adam standing there instead.

"Where's my Pa?" she asked.

"Downstairs. I've come to help you," Adam said.

"I don't need no help," Louise said almost petulantly before remembering herself and adding a quick, "thank you."

"Well, I'm glad to see that you do know your manners. That's more like the girl painted in all the letters I received in Boston."

Adam entered Louise's room, shutting the door behind him. He sat down on the bed and pulled her between his knees with her back to him so that he could undo the buttons. He heard her huff and smiled at the slight temper that hid behind her quietness. Despite her shyness, he could tell that she had some of that Cartwright temper just longing to burst!

"I thought you'd like a story before you went to sleep," Adam said. He helped her out of her dress and petticoat, and pulled her fresh, white nightgown over her head – much to Louise's dismay at being helped by this stranger.

Once she had changed into her nightdress Louise climbed onto her bed and wriggled under her covers, staring at Adam with studious, expressive and suspicious eyes.

Adam settled himself against the wooden frame of the bottom of her bed, and then said, "I want to tell you the story of a beautiful lady. She had long blond hair, and brown eyes. She was very beautiful and elegant."

"_Like a princess?"_ Louise wanted to ask, but she was too scared to interrupt.

Adam went on. "She was wonderful around horses, and rode them as often as she could. She could ride them like no other woman. She liked to ride fast … so that she could fly with the wind. Fly like a bird, as she would often put it." He smiled, "Do you know what her name was?"

Louise shook her head as she peeped above the line of her bed sheets.

"Marie."

Louise gasped, "That's my mama's name!"

"I'm talking about Ma," Adam said, standing up and walking over to Louise's bedside table. He picked up the little miniature of Marie and smiled when he saw her bright, dancing eyes staring back at him. "She loved you so much," he said, not looking up from the picture as he felt himself getting lost in her dazzling gaze. "She was a wonderful woman. She loved all of us – and even though she had only had you and Joe, she treated me and Hoss like we were her children, too."

Adam looked up from the picture and saw the tears that were on Louise's cheeks. He could have kicked himself for making her cry.

"I'm sorry baby," he said, perching next to her on the bed. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

Louise shook her head and said sadly, "I want my mama!"

Adam stroked the tears away and kissed her forehead. "Louise," he suddenly said. "You don't remember Ma."

She shook her head dismally.

"But you still love her?"

Louise nodded her head enthusiastically. "Yes!"

"Well, then – even though you don't remember me, don't you think you could love me?"

Louise started. He had brought something she had said back onto her. She didn't want to love Adam – at least, she wasn't sure – and yet Adam's words rang true. Why couldn't she love him? He was her brother after all. True he was still a stranger to her – but Adam _was_ her brother.

"I … I don't know," Louise said sadly. "I'm shy!"

Adam smiled – proud of her for having plucked up the courage to admit it! "I know that – but it's hard being shy, isn't it? It hurts!"

Louise nodded her head. "I can't speak … sometimes."

"Well I want to help you. Do you think you could let me try? I want to help you learn not to be afraid of people. Next year you'll be starting school, and you want to make friends, don't you?"

"I don't need friends. I have Pa, Hoss, Joe and Hop Sing."

"What about me?"

Louise hesitated, "I … I don't know. I'm scared after …" she clamped her mouth shut. She had almost spoken those words.

The words that might have brought that man to the Ponderosa!

With his gun!

Ready to shoot!

To shoot Ben!

Or Hoss!

Or Joe!

Or her!

Maybe even Adam!

Adam frowned as he saw the fear creep into her eyes. "Scared after what?"

Louise's heart hammered against her chest. "I won't tell you!" she burst out, louder than she usually felt herself capable of speaking.

Adam's eyebrows rose. He thought back to Ben's letters and the words that he had spoken that very day, and suddenly the light dawned. His dark eyes stared at Louise as if he was trying to penetrate right into her and read her thoughts. "What about when you got lost?"

"Lost?" Louise said, her skin going cold and clammy. Could Adam read her mind or something?

"Yes. What happened?"

"Nothing," Louise lied. She couldn't help herself. She always tried to tell the truth – but she couldn't this time. "I just got scared."

"Why? Was it because you got lost, or because of something else?"

"Nothing else happened!"

Louise began to panic. She was getting herself into more and more of a hole. Adam was making her lie!

"Are you sure?" Adam asked. Her reactions showed that his words had prodded some area that had been left untouched – something that she was hiding. Adam suddenly felt a cold chill shake his body. What would she hide from her family?

"Yes. Yes! Go away! Leave me alone!"

Adam's heart sank. "Are you sure you want me to go?"

Louise paused. If Adam discovered her secret, then something dreadful would happen to her family. In that one instant, fear for her family's lives took over her fear of talking to people. Why had Adam ever come back to the Ponderosa? "I wish … I wish you'd never come home!"

Adam felt like a knife had pierced his heart when she said that. "Do you really mean that, Louise?"

"Yes," Louise said, feeling bad that the words were out of her mouth, but also desperate to make him leave. Surely if she didn't love him, surely if she avoided him, then he wouldn't have a chance to talk to her – to read her mind! Then everyone would be safe!

"Isn't there anything you want to tell me?"

"No!" Louise moaned. "No!"

The nightmares of that encounter began to flood her mind once again. Clutching the bed sheets round her she began to shiver in a maddening agony of mind. As she pictured that gun, the blood and the threats, she sank back against her pillows and closed her eyes in a wild attempt to shut out those awful sights.

Adam watched her, not sure what to do. Something was haunting Louise. Something dreadful! He quickly scooped her up into his arms and cradled her lovingly, talking soothingly to her, just like he had all those years before when she was a baby. He wanted to ask her what was wrong – but something told him that she could not tell him. He laid his head against the top of hers, and shushed her until her moans had died down.

A fear gripped Adam's heart when he realized the torment of Louise's distress. Something was truly torturing the little five year old that was in his arms – and Adam knew that he had to find out what that was. He didn't know how he could – but he knew that if she was to be released from the haunting grip that was suffocating her, which was sealing her up in her little shell of shyness and fear, then he would have to discover her secret.

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**Hope you enjoyed! Please review!**


	10. The Murderer

**Hey there, folks. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, and I must say, I'm really excited! I want to thank you all for the lovely reviews you've left me - you couldn't have given me nicer Christmas presents. Here's my present to you - another chapter! :-)**

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Chapter 10 – The Murderer

After Louise, Joe and Hoss were all in bed, Adam spoke to Ben about Louise.

"You think something happened?" Ben asked.

"I could tell she was lying about the time she got lost. She seems too afraid to tell the truth."

Ben hesitated, pictures flooding his mind. "What do you think happened, Adam?"

He didn't want to even think of the possibilities of anything. He shuddered.

"I don't know, Pa – and I don't like to think about it," Adam answered truthfully. "All I do know is she refuses to say."

"Well, I'll make sure that she tells me. I'll ask her first thing tomorrow morning."

"Didn't you say in your last letter that there's a church picnic tomorrow?"

"Yes," Ben replied.

"Well then, why don't you talk to Lou about it after – when we come home? I have a feeling that she's going to put up a bit of a fight in telling you, and she gets upset easily, doesn't she? Let's all enjoy the church picnic, and then you can talk to her when we get back home."

"Alright, Adam," Ben said with a nod of his head. "I agree."

* * *

"I don't want to go!" Louise's words brought Ben up the stairs. Louise was standing in her room, arms crossed in front of her, a pout on her lips – and a look of desperation and fear in her eyes counteracting with a stubbornness that formed into a scowl on her face. Joe was stood in the doorway looking helpless. When Ben appeared behind him in the doorway, he quickly explained.

"She doesn't want to go, Pa."

"I know," Ben said. "I heard."

"Please, Pa," Louise begged. "There'll be a lot of people. I get scared."

"You need to learn not to be afraid of people, Louise."

"I know," Louise whispered. "I just am."

Ben sighed. "Well, you are going to the picnic, so let Joe help you get dressed. We'll be late for church else."

Louise didn't argue. What was the point? She would only start the day off by getting into trouble with Ben. So, with a sigh of resignation, she allowed Little Joe to help her change out of her nightdress and into a pretty green, gingham dress.

"Don't you look pretty?!" Joe said after doing up the last button on her dress.

Hoss suddenly put his head around the door, "You sure do, little sister. As pretty as a picture!" he said, giving her a grin before heading down the stairs to see if he could 'help' Hop Sing pack the hamper for the picnic.

Indeed, she did look very sweet. Her brown hair tumbled past her shoulders in long waves, and went nicely with the green in her dress. The colour of her outfit picked out the green in her hazel eyes, which were wide as they gleamed beneath her thick eyelashes. Her cheeks were very pink, and had a few freckles.

"Joe," she said. "I really don't want to go."

"We'll have a nice time," Joe said. "I'll be right with you, and so will Pa, Hoss and Adam."

Louise sighed. Yes. Adam would be there. That's what she was afraid of. She could tell that he could read her mind – read past her fear and flustered lies.

Yes – Adam might discover everything that had happened. If he did, then in meddling too far something dreadful might happen.

No! He must not learn her deadly secret. And if acting distant towards him was the only way that she could keep him from discovering what she was hiding, then that was how she would act!

* * *

As the Cartwrights entered the church, Louise suddenly gasped and grabbed hold of the nearest member of her family. This turned out to be Adam.

He started at the sudden reaction of fear that had come from his little sister, and followed her gaze. She was staring at a man who was approaching.

"Mr. Cartwright!" the man said, shaking Ben's hand. "It's good to see you!"

"Russ! I haven't seen you in a long time," Ben said, shaking the younger man's hand.

"No – I haven't been in Nevada since Pa's death," Russ' voice grew quieter.

"You remember my eldest son Adam?"

Russ looked across at Adam, and his face lit up with recognition. "Well! Look who's here! The college boy has come home to show the whole of Virginia City up!"

"I wouldn't say that," Adam said, shaking Russ' extended hand. "It's been a long time Russ. Pa said in his letter that you came back for your father's funeral after having been away for three years. What could possibly keep you away from your home in Nevada Territory?"

Russ' eyes gleamed, but with an emotion that was checked, and that Adam could not read.

"Well, you were away for even longer. Four years! I only left the old man behind – but you? You had siblings, too. I see Joe and Hoss have grown since I last saw them – and that was only a year ago. Don't you have a sister, too? Ben spoke of her at the funeral, but of course she didn't go. I think Ben said she was five at the time."

"Four," Adam corrected. "She would have been four. She's five now, though. Here she is." He indicated to the little girl who was clinging madly to his leg.

"Why, hello, little girl," Russ said, looking down at Louise, his eyes gleaming.

Louise stared at him.

"Louise," Ben's voice growled. "Don't be rude!"

Russ grinned at her, and his eyes sparked with amusement. "I ain't scary!"

Louise just stared, and was silent.

"I'm sorry, Russ," Ben said. "She gets scared of people."

"That's alright, Ben. I understand. Excuse me now, I need to go and speak to Doctor Martin."

With that, Russ walked away.

Ben bent down close to his daughter and said in her ear, "Young lady, you and I will be having a little talk when we get home!"

Louise gulped. She knew what that meant. But she couldn't help herself. How could she have spoken to him?!

She knew that man. She knew his face. How could she ever forget it? He was the cause for all of her torment over the past year!

It was him – the man who had shot Mr. Clydesdale! It was his own son! She trembled uncontrollably as she remembered … everything! Of course she was scared of him! How could she not be? Of course she hadn't been friendly! Of course she had been impolite!

How could she be anything else – to a murderer?!

* * *

**Just one more chapter to go! :-( I'll do my best to post it tomorrow, but if I don't have time before Christmas Day, then I just want to say now: "Merry Christmas to you all!" Thanks so much for following, reading and reviewing my story. I have really enjoyed writing this story, and being a part of the Bonanza fanfic section! Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter! Thanks again! :-)**


	11. The Church Picnic

**Hi! I hope you all had a nice Christmas! I certainly did! Here's the last chapter . . . of this story, at least! :-)**

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Chapter 11 – The Church Picnic

After the church service, everyone filed out of the building to help unload all the hampers that had been brought for the bring-and-share picnic. There was a melodic hum of rippling voices and laughter. Everyone seemed happy.

Except for Louise!

Adam knew that – and he was determined to find out why before the day was out!

When she was sure that no one was paying any particular attention to her, Louise wandered away from the group of merry people.

She was afraid.

Dead afraid!

The killer was back in town!

She didn't know which way to turn. She was trapped – cornered. She wanted to tell her family everything – but she couldn't. Russ would find out. She just knew that he would. Then he would kill a member of her family, and ruin her life even more than he had already done. No. It was better that she kept this awful secret than bring anything like that upon the family.

As she thought, she wandered further and further away. She was looking down at the floor, watching the ground as she took each step.

Suddenly she stopped! A black hat was tossed down in front of her, just lying before her feet – touching the tips of her boots. She paused, her heart hammering against her chest, and then her eyes darted up.

Russ was standing a few feet away from her, a horrid smirk on his face.

"I knew you'd remember that!" he said with a laugh. "You've done well, little girl. Very well! You haven't told a soul, have you?"

"No! No, and I won't! Not ever!" she said, beginning to panic. "Just leave me alone. I won't say a word!"

"I can do what I like with you – otherwise I will pay a visit on your family, just like I did on the old man!"

"No! No don't! Don't! I'll do anything!" Tears choked her words, but did not escape from her eyes.

Russ threw up his head and laughed at the desperation in her voice. "Don't you worry, little girl. You just carry on keeping our little secret – and nothing will happen!"

"What secret?"

Adam's voice sliced through the air and made Louise start, and Russ freeze.

Louise saw him now.

Adam!

Adam – her brother!

He stood a few yards behind Russ, parting his coat and letting it hang behind his holster.

"Louise," Adam said, staring at the back of Russ. He was afraid that if he was forced to shoot, Louise might get caught in the crossfire. "Go and find Sheriff Coffee!"

"A … Adam …"

"Move!"

Louise had never heard Adam raise his voice before, and she quickly ran to do his bidding now. But before she could take another step, she felt hands grasp her and before she knew it, Russ had picked her up, and was holding a gun to her head. He held her in that same iron grasp as he turned around to face Adam.

"Don't you dare shoot, Adam Cartwright, or I'll put a hole in her head. Yes, that's right! Just like I did to the old man! 'Course, he would refuse me money just when I needed it bad. That's right. I had debts, because I'm a gambler. I gamble all the time – and I guess shooting the old man was my biggest gamble yet. But it paid off when I got his money – and it'll pay off still. You'll let me go now because you know I'll pull this trigger on your little biddy sister else!" he laughed. "_And_ I'll get away!"

"You put her down and we can settle this between us, man to man!"

"No," Russ said with a smirk. "I prefer my odds this way. I always was one to slip in a card if I felt it necessary – and I say your sister is a perfect ace!"

Louise was petrified, too scared to utter a word. All she could do was beseech Adam with those wide eyes of hers.

"_Adam! Help me!"_

"Russ! You let her go!" Adam's voice was still surprisingly calm which made Russ begin to feel uneasy.

All of a sudden a dull thud sounded, and Louise found herself falling. Before she hit the ground, someone caught hold of her and wrapped up in such a tight hug, she couldn't see who it was.

But she knew. There was no mistaking that hug. It was her pa!

Adam crouched next to Russ to make sure that the blow Ben had given him with the butt of his gun had knocked him out. With a smile of relief he stood up and waited for his turn to hug Louise.

He didn't have to ask for one.

"Adam!" Louise cried, suddenly pulling away from Ben. "Adam!"

She was sobbing, a mixture of relief and trepidation fuzzing her mind till she wasn't sure what to think. All she knew was that she was safe. And she wanted her brother.

She wanted Adam!

She felt wonderfully safe when she was in his grasp. She put her small arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"For what?" Adam asked, walking over to a tree stump and sitting down with her on his knee. Ben watched on happily.

"For being mean! You reminded me of him when you came home from Massa … Massa … Boston! You were scary! I couldn't say anything because he said he'd shoot one of us. He said no one would believe me, and everyone would think I was lying, and Pa would be cross. I was so scared. I … I lied to you last night. But don't let Pa be cross with me for lying! I was so scared; I didn't know what to do."

"It's alright, Little Lou. Pa won't be cross with you," Adam said, looking up to Ben and seeing the look of pride flooding his father's eyes as he stared at his son and daughter.

"I ain't scared of you anymore," Louise went on. "You came and rescued me. You and Pa! Oh, Adam! I was so scared."

She buried her face into his chest and drew in a shaky breath. He felt so strong – she liked that.

"I like it when you hold me," she suddenly said.

"I like holding you," Adam said, and cuddled her closer to him to emphasize his words.

Louise smiled happily, and squeezed Adam tightly.

"And I do want to get to know you!" Louise went on. "I was rude – and I'm sorry. I do want to know you. I don't want to be shy. I hate hiding and being afraid all the time. I want to know you, Adam. I already like you. I … I think I almost love you! I know love you!"

Adam's heart swelled with joy. "I love you, too, little sister."

Louise smiled and laid her head against him as she sighed with contentment. The shadows in her midst had passed, and the fear had left her heart. "I like the sound of that," Louise declared. "You calling me your sister, I mean. Well, I am your little sister. And you," she sighed happily, "your my big brother!"

**The End**

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**I hope you all enjoyed it. Please review and let me now what you thought of my story, and of Louise as an extra character. Your reviews have been so encouraging, thankyou so much for reading, reviewing, following and favouriting! Finally, yes, I do have plans for more Louise Marie stories, so please do let me know if you would like me to continue with a series of stories about Lou. I could be a while getting round to posting another story on here, but once I do start posting a story, I always try to update regularly! Thanks again for all of your support. Happy New Year to you all! Rachel :-)**


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